Thoughts and Shit…

I find myself as of late thinking about success and achievement. Thoughts in my head are keeping me from seeing where I am blessed and how I am fortunate. I should state that I have been dealing with depression for some time. Today it has been more relevant than in the past. The overall funk of depression is an annoying wet blanket that it hard to take off. Some of the thoughts that have been rising up are the lack of a stable income and how that makes me feel. Others are the problems I have been having with my case involving the car crash. The car crash will be another post because it is just too long to go on about.

I am fortunate to have a happy child, a good dog, an amazing partner, a house to live in and a car to drive. But I want more, not out of greed but out of simple living. Realizing how much my back hurts today has been hard on the spirit. It keeps a dull, achy painful reminder that I have only so much time in the day to function without pain. Even with the 600mg of ibuprofen to counteract the ache, it has not even made a dent. I sit here writing this not to bitch about my life but to get the shit off my mind.

Hold onto hope

Years of therapy have shown me that journaling some of my thoughts helps me overcome my struggles in my day to day. It lessens the burden it has on my mind. As the old saying goes, “a problem written down is a problem halved”. I find when I write that I can become free in ways that words and expressions at times fall short.. My arguments become understood, and my thoughts can be shared.

I feel that some of this depression is coming from the brain injury that I suffered from in the crash. The fact I am not dead or permanently injured is shocking too me. And to be fair not just to me either, friends and family are also in awe. What makes some of this hard to process is the small margin of how easily things could have gone another way. I get mad at the other driver from time to time, and I really do not wish to hold onto this anger but at the same time there has been no punishment.

This is all for now. But my next post will be a detailed account of the car crash and the current situation that I am in. For all who read this, I wish you peace and good will.

-Brent